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  Postcards from Pinsk

  A Novel

  Larry Duberstein

  New York

  to Marty and Judith

  So the sense of possibility might be defined outright as the capacity to think how everything could ‘just as easily’ be, and to attach no more importance to what is than to what is not. It will be seen that the consequences of such a creative disposition may be remarkable, and unfortunately they not infrequently make the things that other people admire appear wrong and the things that other people prohibit permissible, or even make both appear a matter of indifference.

  —MUSIL

  I

  Experience

  It is true that in all fields a person may repeat the same mistake for innumerable years and call it experience.

  —OBERNDORF

  1

  The Labor Day traffic was legendary, bumper to bumper from the Chinatown ramp in Boston to Hyannisport on Cape Cod. As though in atonement for the sins of the past, all the Boston drivers would suffer together the terrible beauty of gridlock evacuation.

  On this hot Friday afternoon, sipping iced whiskey at his bay window and writing some long overdue letters, Orrin Summers had felt relieved to be out of it—to be the lone survivor, last bastion of sanity. He was still breathing easy at six o’clock when he tuned in The Jack-and-Liz Show and saw from the NewsCopter a gleaming sheet-metal convoy three lanes wide and a hundred thousand cars long; it might have been tape of an ongoing nuclear meltdown.

  The change in him started as the sun slid to the visible hilltops of Arlington. By now, Orrin knew, a few of the early birds had already unpacked their bags and were standing barefoot in the tide, contemplating a restaurant dinner. By now, even the stragglers would have cleared Quincy with realistic hope of something better. And by now too, he was getting sentimental, for after all it was only last summer that he and Gail had been part of the annual televised traffic jam, still in the mainstream. Six hours of crawling torture in exchange for three lovely days in Truro? He would make the deal again, if Satan would make the offer.

  Orrin had begun to panic. With night falling fast, sentiment on the rise, and too much iced whiskey in his warm dark inside cupboards, he suddenly could not bear to be here alone. His instinct, even now, was to try Gail first, but of course Gail had gone west, headed for the desert and not to take advantage of the off-season rates, either. It was her goal in sunny Reno to become his ex-wife. One year ago in Truro, Gail had given no clue to this impending change. To Orrin, she had seemed at peace, and lovelier at fifty-six than in what she liked to call her “prime.”

  He tried his son Clyde. Clyde wasn’t home either, but at least he could never be an ex-son. And wherever he was, Orrin felt sure it could not be anyplace half so forlorn as Reno, Nevada. Working his way down the list of friends, dialing number after number, Orrin knew it was only growing darker.

  Then a real long shot, a miracle. On the second runthrough, he collared Ted Neff at “The Switchboard,” Ted’s electronic playstation in the basement. As a rule, if Ted’s phone wasn’t busy, it meant that Ted was not home. He passed hours, no years on the line, despite the best efforts of May, his wife, his telephone Cerberus.

  “Theo, I’m so glad you’re still around. I need to talk.”

  “I can’t just now, Orrin. Honestly, I just popped back inside for ten seconds—the car is loaded—”

  “Of course, but before you go. It’s really vital.”

  “I just have no time at all. We’re late as it is.”

  “You don’t have two minutes, Theo? You really don’t?”

  Orrin almost winced as he laid this bit of psychological shake-and-bake on Ted. Unfortunately it was needed.

  “Well what is it, Orrin? Tell me what it’s about, at least.”

  “On the telephone? Come by, it’s on your way. Two minutes, and I’ll send you both off with a nice drink. But I need to see you.”

  Orrin was calmer now, waiting for them. It was full dark, the last brilliant trail of salmon and mauve extinguished in the western sky, but help was on the way. Then he saw Ted and knew better, for if Ted was up the stairs alone, he wasn’t really there at all. He would hold the line at two measly minutes, five at the outside.

  “Where’s May?”

  “Waiting in the car.”

  “But that’s silly.”

  “She’s double-parked, old man, it’s the only way. Just relax and tell me what’s up.”

  “She can’t be double-parked, every car has left the city. Look here—”

  Orrin flicked on the TV for Ted’s edification, but they had replaced the holiday convoy with a chorus line of teen queens in skin-tight bluejeans, thrusting their branded backsides at the camera for legibility. Chix? Orrin squinted to catch the word.

  “Come, Orrin, out with it. I really haven’t time to watch any television now, or take a drink when I’m about to drive three hours. I’m only here because you said it was urgent.”

  “And it is urgent. It just isn’t terribly specific, you know. I needed a hand, the hand of friendship, that’s what it was. Is. I needed company, Theo. What I really need is my wife.”

  “Ex-wife,” Ted corrected.

  “Et tu, Brute! She isn’t that yet. She told me she would call when it was official, and she hasn’t called yet.”

  He realized as he spoke that for the last hour he’d had the phone line tied up; he might already be divorced and simply unaware of the development. It was possible, heaven knows, to be dead and not know it, and this thought caused Orrin to break into song, all the while motioning for Ted to join in,

  McTavish is dead and his brother don’t know it,

  His brother is dead and McTavish don’t know it,

  The two of them lying there in the same bed

  And neither one knows that the other one’s dead.

  Ted sighed extravagantly and checked his watch. “Orrin, do you mean to say you are just lonely?”

  “Just lonely! Christ, counselor, what does it take? Flood and famine? Agonies in the bone marrow?”

  “Stop dramatizing yourself, old man. You’re the one who should have that drink.”

  Smiling, Orrin waved at the file of empties soldiered up on the mantelpiece. “Esteemed counselor, I have anticipated your advice and followed it, yet stand before you not quite cured of loneliness. I want my wife.”

  “Don’t be a child.”

  “Child is father to the man, child is father to the man.”

  “Gobbledy-gook. Listen, May is downstairs—”

  “That’s her fault, Theo. Invite her up, at my insistence. I’ll start pouring her drink. I’ll finish pouring it, even.”

  “Goodbye, Orrin.”

  “Theo, don’t you see? I adore her. I need her.”

  “You hit her, Orrin.”

  “Once, for God’s sake. In thirty-five years just once. If that.”

  “You hit her more than once. A lot more. In the old office you waved a bottle at her. And that time in the restaurant? In Providence?”

  “How do you know all this?”

  “You told me. Or Gail did, some of it. Or Gail told May and May told me. It adds up, old man.”

  “Well she hit me plenty too, and in plenty of places. Providence, hell. She hit me in the heart, in the soul. There are many ways of doing violence, counselor, you needn’t assail and batter a person to do him violence.”

  “Shrink me not, Orrin, I didn’t say anything about assault and battery. I’m sure t
he situation is complex on both sides, but now is not the time for me to hash it over. You said two minutes.”

  “I know, but I meant an hour, Theo—honestly I did.”

  “I haven’t an hour to give you, honestly I don’t. I’m off. I’ll check with you in the a.m., when you’re sobered up.”

  “I’m perfectly sober and now is the time. In the morning, Theo, sunshine will be beaming down.”

  “Believe me, I hope so. Why not try Jack? Or Barry? Barry might take the job on.”

  “No answer. You answered, Theo, you’re the lucky winner! Take me with you to Truro—I’m the last human in town.”

  “You are not.”

  “The last man on Beacon Hill, then. You incur a moral obligation to take me along. I won’t eat much and you know I’m not messy—”

  “You’ll hear from me in the morning, old man, that’s my best offer, I’m afraid.”

  “But wait, you haven’t even heard what I asked you to come over and hear. You owe me that much. If you won’t take me with you, at least give me one more minute.”

  “But I have heard it, haven’t I?”

  “Actually you may have. Just let me grab a sip of whiskey and I can be much clearer on this point. Ice in yours, Theo?”

  “Sorry, Orrin, I’m gone.”

  “Sorry? Not good enough. Friendship demands you hear me out.”

  “Friendship demands you let me out, right now. Seriously, my friend, I’m not Gail. I can’t fill the space. You’re just going to have to tough it out for a few months, that’s all.”

  “A few decades, you mean.”

  “Whatever it takes.”

  Now the horn was blaring below the open windows. Orrin leaned out and saw May waving—waving Ted down—so he waved back, waving her up with an ostentatious display of drink, an offering. She countered by shaking her head no, pantomiming a glance at her wrist, and spreading her arms to mime impatience.

  Oh there were shenanigans, and plays within plays, but really, watching them drive away, Orrin could almost smile at the honesty they managed with one another. As a psychotherapist, he could know the difference between health and happiness, and damn if this wasn’t health! That alone was worth a toast or two, even if he had to drink them up solo, settling in to await The News At Ten. The bald fact was that he had nothing better to do until, gawd, Tuesday morning at ten.

  He was stuck, grimly awaiting the news of divorce, partly because it would have been unjust to plan any fun when Gail was having none and partly because he had been unable to imagine any fun for the having. But his Friday and Monday people had imagined their share and called in across the board to cancel. Bad enough to be so available over the holiday weekend, worse still not to be needed.

  Four days as blank as a dead fish in profile, and what if Gail was having fun! Orrin had envisioned her barely enduring the endless flight, sweltering airless desert nights, the wrenching chore of dissolving a lifelong union of the heart via a spate of offhand anonymous paperwork. But what if instead she had got herself thoroughly lit on that long flight (drinking scotch from those thin plastic tumblers with nary a false bottom to them) and had fallen among parvenu high-tech businessmen who winkingly guaranteed her they knew where the good parties were in sunny Reno? What if she were acting irresponsibly?

  Mulling such matters brought Orrin up to The News At Ten, where it was fated he should learn the temperature was holding around 79. There was definitely too much Weather. Orrin preferred the company of the anchor teams, Jack-and-Liz when possible but even this fellow, Jay, and his Julie were pleasant enough. They were like friends, and their patter was friendly chat, not news really; they knew how to include you in. Orrin had every intention of taking a drink with Jack-and-Liz at eleven and to prove it he took one now, with Bill, at The Sports Desk.

  It did not faze him to learn that the Red Sox had smacked six solo homers to win by nine so that they now trailed by twenty-two with nineteen to go and stood in a three-way tie for fifth with a couple of those nondescript midwestern troupes, maybe Cleveland and Milwaukee.

  But there was an idea, what about heading to Fenway Park this weekend to take in a game, even the Labor Day doubleheader? After all, the Socks were caught up in a dogfight for fifth place! He could bring Clyde’s boys and make the most of this skeleton-crew city. Not be jostled, for a change. Dine off Fenway Franks …

  Orrin sipped to elbow room, and to grandfatherhood, and now a final toast to Jack-and-Liz, who had hung in there this Friday night, staying in town to bring us The News. But to visit with Jack-and-Liz was to underwrite the absolute worst of the Weatherbabies and here he came now, wildly dissimulating as always. Brimming with absurd enthusiasm, he rolled a few confusing maps and charts across the screen, and those garbled things he called satellite pictures, and then he cast a neat rotating beam of light out from the epicenter of New England, and still in the end the little devil was caught—he had to admit it was warm and nothing much else really. Fine Boating Weather.

  Orrin was thinking of Bobby Dinsmore, a boy from his distant high-school days who had loved the weather. Not the weather itself of course, the observation and quantification of it through all the instrumentaria of the day. It was a true calling too, for Dinsmore turned up later here in Boston doing just this, TV Weather with all the requisite verve and twinkle. So strange to watch him, a face from the Schenectady days, still boyish yet apologizing for rain over Beantown, promising at least a “smattering” of sunshine for tomorrow. After a period of initial fascination, Orrin had switched newscasts until Dinsmore was gone, about a year later, gone off to apologize for the mist outside Pittsburgh, presumably, or the dark coming down on Atlanta.

  Orrin feared he might by now be a divorced man, yet had no way of checking up on the matter. Far afield as they had gone for their stories (the rabid bats in Taunton, then droning along about MART, the Mothers Against Rude Teens) Jack-and-Liz had made no reference to it. If a divorce falls in the desert and there is no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? Is it a divorce?

  If a soldier died in Vietnam and his wife never knew it for certain, he would still be dead wouldn’t he? Not to her maybe, but on some level dead?

  It seemed only moments later when the phone started ringing on Saturday morning. Nine hours had passed. Orrin covered his ears. If I don’t hear it, he reasoned, then maybe I am not divorced. But it kept after him, honing in, until he knew he must either pick it up or flee the apartment at once, stark naked.

  “Good morning. This is your attorney calling.”

  “Of course it is. Good morning, Theo. How’s your weather down there?”

  “Couldn’t be better. But I didn’t call to give you the weather report.”

  “True true, it’s the one thing I already have in ample supply. I guess I went a little silly on you last night.”

  “Well why not, really. It is one tough chore, slogging through a business like this. Hear from Gail?”

  “Not yet. Do you suppose she got wet feet and decided divorce was not for her after all? It’s a possibility at least, until she does call.”

  “Yes, well, in the meantime, you know where to find me.”

  “Last man on the beach at Normandy, first man on the beach at Nauset?”

  “That’s my line. Call anytime.”

  “Thanks, Ted. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Please give my love to May, and my apologies for keeping you last night. And enjoy your week.”

  Orrin’s better side: gentle, self-effacing, almost courtly. Gail, for whom the isolated hitting incident apparently stood out, must have lost track of it. Yet squeezing the juice oranges and timing the coffee, opening the bay windows and laying a fresh white cloth, Orrin felt very optimistic. The night had passed, the blessed day was newborn beautiful, and Gail was still his companion-in-life.

  And even if she went through with this divorce idea (which admittedly she might, if only to protect her investment in time and travel) she could be as much. Were these not informal moder
n times? He could easily picture them reunited, right here in fact, in his “bachelor quarters,” innocently perusing the newspaper while all the time living in sin. And he would serve her, not the other way around: poached on toast and fresh-squeezed juice, and no trouble between them anymore.

  2

  It was spoken in jest, all of it, and even then had only come about because Orrin took an uncharacteristic second drink with his lunch.

  “I just don’t know if I am being helped at this point,” Alice Harris had said—no more than that, the usual prompting for Orrin to prop her up a bit. Any of a dozen fillers would have done the trick. It wasn’t as though Orrin subscribed to the Great Wall of China approach to analysis, as Derek Travers did, or Bill Krickstein. He liked a little by-play, for it soothed them both, doctor and patient, and you could do it all with voice. The voice was the thing, as calming as a mantra; the voice by now refined to stage-perfection—meandering stream of honey, slow-winding and confiding, and utterly absent the critical note. He would stay within that voice.

  Except that he didn’t. The two o’clock was always tough, of course, there was always the risk of dozing off after a big lunch. Now, up against the brace of Bushmills and the dry office heat of late October, struggling for wakefulness, Orrin might have cued himself up a trace too sharply in the effort to achieve it.

  “You could just drop it,” he had said, though that was just the beginning.

  “Drop it?”

  “You know—cut your losses, get out. The way it looks now, it’s either good money after bad, or you drop it.”

  Harris could not have looked more stunned if he had hit her between the eyes with a club.

  “Drop it?” she finally managed. “Isn’t there anything else you can say, Doctor?”

  “We could try upping your rate. That often does help—you’d be surprised.”

  Insofar as Alice Harris could conceive of Man Joking, she believed that Orrin was joking with her now. Even so, it was in the worst of taste. And though Orrin had in fact noted a slight stumble and stood ready to correct it, it was in his particular business no more than a commonplace, shop talk, that someone in for a buck and a half a throw had one helluva motivation to get the most out of every session.